2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. Do you smell something burning?
5. (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
6. Try breathing through your nose
7. A little rug burn ever hurt anyone!
8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
10. But whipped cream makes me break out
11. Person 1: This is your first time... right?
Person 2: Yeah... today
12. (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
13. Can you please pass me the remote control?
14. Do you accept Visa?
15. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
17. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!
18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.
19. (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
21. (holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
22. Do you get any premium movie channels?
23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
24. (preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!
25. Got any penicillin?
26. But I just brushed my teeth...
27. Smile, you're on Candid Camera!
28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
29. I want a baby!
30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
31. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...
33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
34. I think you have it on backwards
35. When is this supposed to feel good?
36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
37. You're good enough to do this for a living!
38. Is that blood on the headboard?
39. Did I remember to take my pill?
40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
41. I wish we got the Playboy channel...
42. That leak better be from the waterbed!
43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow
45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance...
47. No, really... I do this part better myself!
48. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
49. This would be more fun with a few more people..
50. You're almost as good as my ex!
51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
52. Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
53. You look younger than you feel
54. Perhaps you're just out of practice
55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
56. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash
57. Now I know why he/she dumped you...
58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?
59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated
60. What tampon?
61. Have you ever considered liposuction?
62. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
63. What are you planning to make for breakfast?
64. I have a confession...
65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
66. Are those real or am I just behind the times?
67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
68. Is that a hanging sculpture?
69. You'll stil vote for me, won't you?
70. Did I mention my transsexual operation?
71. I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
72. Did you come yet, dear?
73. I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about...
74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
75. Does this count as a date?
76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!
77. Hic! I need another beer for this please
78. I think biting is romantic- don't you?
79. You can cook, too right?
80. When would you like to meet my parents?
81. Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like...
Woman: Yourself?
82. Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?
83. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names
84. Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed
85. (in a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?
86. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?
87. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.
88. Sorry but I don't do toes!
89. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!
90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!
91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...
92. I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer"
93. So that's why they call you MR. Flash!
94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!
95. Is this a sin too?
96. I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!
97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?
98. Long kisses clog my sinuses...
99. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...
100. How long do you plan to be "almost there"?
101. You mean you're NOT my blind date?
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are you 40 cause your tight
ReplyDeleteso...thats gonna be about $250
ReplyDeleteBAAAAHH!!
ReplyDelete"Wait, i thought you said i could bring my mom!?" "No." "awe, sorry mom" "I never have anyfun."
ReplyDeleteAs he comes "Pika Pikachu!"
ReplyDeletehow much did you say this was going to cost an hour
ReplyDeletei thought you were on birthcontrol?
ReplyDeleteooops...wrong hole
ReplyDeleteyou are small enough to fit in a bitch
ReplyDeletewoman: you are bad
ReplyDeleteman: thats not what your sister said
fuck this im going gay
ReplyDeleteyour hair is too short to be in pig tails
ReplyDeleteyour mother was tighter.
ReplyDeletethere all fucking stupid
ReplyDeleteI'm the Juggernaut, bitch!
ReplyDeletewoman: tell me when its in
ReplyDeleteman: it is
'And boom goes the dynamite' :')
ReplyDelete@K.D, I've got one better.
ReplyDelete'Whoa nelly! I'm gonna blow!' :'D
wow ur almost as gud as my mom
ReplyDeleteWoman:have u ever had sum1 this good
ReplyDeleteMan:not since my sister
Woman:have u ever felt anything this good?
ReplyDeleteMan:not since my brother
woman: did you like that ?
ReplyDeleteman: hellen keller was better...
Man: Wooo!!!
ReplyDeleteWoman: That's all you got?
is that a tic tac?
ReplyDeletewoman: tell me when u start
ReplyDeleteman: i already have...
man:y are you crying, was i that good?
ReplyDeletewoman: no, i've had better is all
(while giving head) Man says: Would you stop if i told you that you give head like a porn star?
ReplyDeleteWhile eating a woman and she farts, "Thanks for the fresh air."
ReplyDelete"Call me Daddy."
ReplyDeletelol at the fresh air comment :L
ReplyDeletelol ...xD i like the name tag 1.
ReplyDeletethere all classic :L
ReplyDeletei think the others need to be posted like
x
"dad?!"
ReplyDeletewhy do all people comment anonymously
ReplyDeleteur penis is that small that i could probably fit ur penis and ur balls in my mouth and talk with out a stutter
ReplyDeleteLOOOOOOOOOOOOL.
ReplyDelete'the condom split, welcome to aids'
rofl! thats fucked holly!
ReplyDeleteim sorry love but the jonny split, oh and by the way if u become pregnant im not responsible and will ignore you :)
ReplyDeleteIs someone cooking Fish?!?
ReplyDeleteWoman: That was a rubbish. Put it back in and try again.
ReplyDeleteMan: I never took it out... :|
to the person who said is that a tic tac.... come here and ill freshen your breath
ReplyDeleteBoy-"Yes i made her cum"
ReplyDeleteGirl-"Oops I just pee ed"
Girl- Is it in?
ReplyDeleteBoy- Im came already Im done Now..
Yur dad did it better
ReplyDeleteBalls
ReplyDeleteIm paying you. I thought you where paying me!
ReplyDeletemom!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWoman: Was it good?
ReplyDeleteMan: your sister was better
Boy: oh baby your so tight.
ReplyDeleteGirl: uhm....honey, im over here.
Boy: then..who is this?....oh well(:
sex
ReplyDeleteLook at how hairy my butthole is!
ReplyDeleteI have something to tell you... my vagina is upsidedown
ReplyDeleteMan: I thought you were my cousin!
ReplyDelete*Walks away*
the first 1s in the comments section are the best for me :P but they're all good :D my fave is the comment holly made (Y)
ReplyDeleteman: what is that?
ReplyDeletewomen: that's what i was gonna ask you.
Post sex
ReplyDeleteWoman: so what's your name?
honey why is the dog yelping?
ReplyDeleteBTW WE'RE OVER AFTER THIS
ReplyDeletei guess i dont love you.
ReplyDelete(just as the guy is about to cum he shouts)GO WEB GO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM JON
ReplyDeletefalcon punch
ReplyDeleteBull riding
ReplyDelete(Doing her from behind)
Man:Oh by the way...I have aids...
(Hang on to hips for dear life)
MAN:you ready for this
ReplyDeleteWOAMN: (excited) yea!
MAN PULLS DOWN PANTS...WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WOMAN:....is it an outtie???
btw were over after this lmfao lmfao lmsfao
ReplyDeleteOMG i love this, its wayyyy too funny ahahaha im dying in laughter here
ReplyDeleteWoman: your wearing a condom right?
ReplyDeleteMan: yes
then right before you come yell at the woman
YOUR GOING TO BE SOO PREGNANT!!!
uhg im so sex, wanna have drunk?
ReplyDeleteman: y is my dick red?
ReplyDeletewomen:.....
man: ur sick
women:blame mother nature not me.....btw ur the one who is a rape!
'Is it in yet?'
ReplyDeleteLOOL these comments are bare funney! LOL,, dont get some though LOL <3 x
ReplyDeletewow everyone is trying to be funny posting new ones but all these comments suck
ReplyDeleteanonymous said .....
ReplyDeletewow was that a fly or were u just coming
(after sex) Man: OMG, i'm so glad i took my friends advice about you.
ReplyDeleteWomen: Who told you about me?
Man: Just about everybody. Who havent you screwed?
&&
WAITTTTT! What time does spongebob come on again? I think we're missing it!
crap!!! my condom broke. Got any hefty bags?
ReplyDeletenoooo I didnt pee the bed, that was me squirting...
ReplyDeletehurry up, my husband comes home in 10 minutes!!
ReplyDeleteOh shit i jus thought of my mom (goes to walk out) aw fuck it its all the same
ReplyDeletecani call u my ex's name?
ReplyDeletethat was fast...
ReplyDelete(after guy cums inside the girl and is still breathing hard) oh by the way i have aids.
ReplyDeletewhen some one says fuck your family i can say i did.
ReplyDelete(Guy about to cum) Fire in the whole.
ReplyDeleteTo- "I have something to tell you, my vagina is upside down"
ReplyDeleteIt would be worse if it was inside out
lol
thrush - fire in the hole
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, your going to marry me right baby?
ReplyDeleteWut Twin Is This Again Friday oR sunday
ReplyDeleteMan- Can I make your bed rock?
ReplyDeleteWoman- Id rather you not my mom and sisters are sleepin upstairs. .
Man- ohhh
It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married soo you shouldnt worry(;
ReplyDeleteAre You In?
ReplyDeleteBitch im done
IM ARRIVING!!!!!! in british accent :)
ReplyDeletesex math: add the bed subtract the clothes divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
ReplyDeleteopps i slipped....
ReplyDeleteU JUST GOT PUNKED & OH CRAP I FORGOT I HAVE A TAMPON ON
ReplyDeletegf calls bf: we need to talk about something
ReplyDeletebf: ok what is it
gf:im pregnant
bf: oh thank god i thought you were gunna tell me i had aids again
sorry baby, I thought I was cuming, never knew I was pressed. U know wat I am still a virgin
ReplyDeleteGuy:I didn't know you were a virgin
ReplyDeleteGirl:I'm not
Guy:Then why are you so tight
Girl:That's not me I'm over here
Guy:Then who's this
Cat:MEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(after sex)You know the animals on your farm are better than this
ReplyDeletewhats the difference between kinky and perverted kinky you use a feather perverted you use the whole chiken i stole 2 of yers so ill give a few back
ReplyDeleteA trucker goes into a whorehouse and hands the Madam five hundred dollars. He says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich." The Madam says, "For that kind of money, you could have one of my finest girls and surf and turf." The trucker says, "I'm not horny, I'm homesick."
ReplyDeletei make jokes lol
A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, "What size?"
ReplyDeleteHe says, "I don't know."
She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"
He says, "Bigger."
She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"
He says, "Smaller?"
She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it."
She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, "Medium."
q. why is a pussy like a grape fruit
ReplyDeletea. the best ones squirt when you eat them
Q. What’s the difference between sin and shame?
ReplyDeleteA. It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.
Q. What is a diaphragm?
A. A trampoline for dickheads
Q. What’s the the definition of a vagina?
A. The box a penis comes in.
Q. Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
ReplyDeleteA. When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.
Q. Why doesn’t Smokey the Bear have any kids?
A. Everytime his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
Q. Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A. The prostitute – she can wash and resell her crack.
Q. What is the difference between “Ooooh!” and “Aaaah!”?
A. About three inches.
Q. What’s the definition of trust?
A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re screwed.
Q. What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q. What doesn’t belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can’t beat a blowjob.
Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
A. They are fun to ride but you don’t want your friends to find out.
Q. How can you tell you’re in a tough lesbian bar?
A. Even the pool table has no balls
Q. What’s the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A. You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.
Q. What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from your grandmother have in common?
A. You don’t look down.
Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A. So men can be open minded.
Q. What do you call a virgin on a water bed?
A. A cherry float
Q. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use some lubricant.
Q. Why does a bride smile when she’s walking down the aisle?
A. She knows she’s given her last blow job.
Q. What do Disney World and Viagra have in common?
ReplyDeleteA. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride
Q. What do a Rubik’s Cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
ok so now im bored i think i paid for the 2 i stole lol
hang in there, its almost over
ReplyDeletewhere'd that blood come from?
ReplyDelete"Oh NAH NAH WATS MY NAME, OH NAH NAH..."
ReplyDeletejust wat i imagined 2 inches would feel like
ReplyDeleteMan: Damn your tight babe...
ReplyDeleteWoman: What are you talking bout?...I'm over here...O_o...
Man: Then who-...sorry Scooter...O_o...
*Dogs walks away all funny and limping :S
Woman...Where did you learn to ride like that, w
ReplyDeletewere you a rodeo ?
Man...No, it was last year when my sister had whooping cough.
people need to read before they post :o
ReplyDeleteand spell check :p
ReplyDelete