Tuesday 25 October 2011
Thursday 15 July 2010
10 Top Reasons To Get DRUNK
10. Alcohol Taste Good!
Usually, people grimace at their first taste of an alcoholic drink. Indeed, drinking these buggers takes some time to get used to. Yet, once you get the hang of taking a swig or a shot, these drinks can be instrumental to a very pleasant experience. Alcoholic drinks can really taste good; some, like wine and champagne, are even included in gourmet menus. Getting drunk on these tasty drinks is like feeling full and satisfied after a particularly delicious meal.
Usually, people grimace at their first taste of an alcoholic drink. Indeed, drinking these buggers takes some time to get used to. Yet, once you get the hang of taking a swig or a shot, these drinks can be instrumental to a very pleasant experience. Alcoholic drinks can really taste good; some, like wine and champagne, are even included in gourmet menus. Getting drunk on these tasty drinks is like feeling full and satisfied after a particularly delicious meal.
9. The Weekend Has Finally Come
Free from work and obligation, you should let your hair down when the weekend comes. A short day trip to the beach or a simple walk through the park would be enough to ease your mind. However, when the past week was a lot more stressful than usual, you might need to party the entire weekend. Invite some friends over and tell them to bring loads of booze. You might need some serious unwinding, and what better way is there than to enjoy large amounts of beer? After all, alcoholic drinks are relaxants, due to the ethanol found in them.
Free from work and obligation, you should let your hair down when the weekend comes. A short day trip to the beach or a simple walk through the park would be enough to ease your mind. However, when the past week was a lot more stressful than usual, you might need to party the entire weekend. Invite some friends over and tell them to bring loads of booze. You might need some serious unwinding, and what better way is there than to enjoy large amounts of beer? After all, alcoholic drinks are relaxants, due to the ethanol found in them.
8. You Lack Sleep
If you’re finding it particularly hard to fall asleep at night, a few bottles might just be the solution to your sleepless woes. The relaxants in alcohol can be consumed up to the point that it makes you fall right asleep. Be careful, though. You’ve probably heard enough about hangovers and how some of them can be extremely excruciating. Be sure to have some water alongside your poison of choice. That way, you keep from getting dehydrated, eventually mitigating the dreaded hangover.
If you’re finding it particularly hard to fall asleep at night, a few bottles might just be the solution to your sleepless woes. The relaxants in alcohol can be consumed up to the point that it makes you fall right asleep. Be careful, though. You’ve probably heard enough about hangovers and how some of them can be extremely excruciating. Be sure to have some water alongside your poison of choice. That way, you keep from getting dehydrated, eventually mitigating the dreaded hangover.
7. Inhibitions Go out the Window
Getting drunk is about losing control, an idea that some people despise. Still, there are numerous occasions where a loss of control is exactly what the doctor would prescribe. Life is so much larger than people anyway, so why keep on controlling it? Sometimes, people need to free themselves of all their inhibitions and just do whatever they want to do. Living life along such rigid standards can be quite unhealthy. Therefore, having a few beers on the night before you have to deliver a very important presentation can sometimes be what you need to psyche yourself up.
Getting drunk is about losing control, an idea that some people despise. Still, there are numerous occasions where a loss of control is exactly what the doctor would prescribe. Life is so much larger than people anyway, so why keep on controlling it? Sometimes, people need to free themselves of all their inhibitions and just do whatever they want to do. Living life along such rigid standards can be quite unhealthy. Therefore, having a few beers on the night before you have to deliver a very important presentation can sometimes be what you need to psyche yourself up.
6. Conversations Flow Easier
Where the drinks are free-flowing, often the conversations are, too. A few bottles to get you relaxed and calm could get your thoughts running and your ideas soaring. People could find the inebriated you a lot more interesting than your sober self. Don’t overdo the booze, though, as you might start to slur and babble. You might even laugh at the most inappropriate times, and blurt out the most obscene things.
Where the drinks are free-flowing, often the conversations are, too. A few bottles to get you relaxed and calm could get your thoughts running and your ideas soaring. People could find the inebriated you a lot more interesting than your sober self. Don’t overdo the booze, though, as you might start to slur and babble. You might even laugh at the most inappropriate times, and blurt out the most obscene things.
5. It’s a Time for Camaraderie
Consuming large amounts of alcohol is often the best time to catch up with long-lost friends. A beer shared is often a more steadfast symbol of your undying friendship than a simple greeting card. With a few rounds, you get caught up on who’s dating who, who’s working for whom, who’s married to whom, and who’s still single.
Consuming large amounts of alcohol is often the best time to catch up with long-lost friends. A beer shared is often a more steadfast symbol of your undying friendship than a simple greeting card. With a few rounds, you get caught up on who’s dating who, who’s working for whom, who’s married to whom, and who’s still single.
4. Just Because…
Some things in life are best experienced without any pretense of a goal or objective. The best impetus to go out drinking is probably to have no real reason for doing so. The experience itself is the end goal. After all, there is much to feel, as well as learn, from being in a state of heightened inebriation. If you and your friends find that you all share the urge to get pissed drunk, don’t hesitate to do so. Believe that such spontaneous gatherings happen rarely, and should therefore be savored once they do come along.
3. Mournful About Something?
Sometimes, booze can be the ultimate distraction from a particularly painful experience. A person very close to you may have passed away. Maybe your long-time partner suddenly decided it was time to move on. Whatever the reason, getting drunk can sometimes be the only way to find some repose. Remember, though, a night of unbridled fun and booze is just one night. Come the next day, whatever it is that you were trying to avoid will still be there. Still, if you decide that a night of drunkenness is what you need, go ahead.
Sometimes, booze can be the ultimate distraction from a particularly painful experience. A person very close to you may have passed away. Maybe your long-time partner suddenly decided it was time to move on. Whatever the reason, getting drunk can sometimes be the only way to find some repose. Remember, though, a night of unbridled fun and booze is just one night. Come the next day, whatever it is that you were trying to avoid will still be there. Still, if you decide that a night of drunkenness is what you need, go ahead.
2. There’s Always Something To Celebrate!
Drinking doesn’t always have to start with some tragedy. At times, a pretty happy occasion deserves a few rounds of alcoholic beverages. It helps that a celebratory booze session can be for anything, really. Maybe you passed your board exams or your best friend may have finally moved out of his parents’ basement. You could also declare your drinking session an ode to the joys of life. Whatever the reason, it’s best to remember that the whole point of getting drunk is to have fun. If it starts to get a bit out of hand (like when someone starts doing things they shouldn’t be doing), the celebration should stop.
Drinking doesn’t always have to start with some tragedy. At times, a pretty happy occasion deserves a few rounds of alcoholic beverages. It helps that a celebratory booze session can be for anything, really. Maybe you passed your board exams or your best friend may have finally moved out of his parents’ basement. You could also declare your drinking session an ode to the joys of life. Whatever the reason, it’s best to remember that the whole point of getting drunk is to have fun. If it starts to get a bit out of hand (like when someone starts doing things they shouldn’t be doing), the celebration should stop.
1. If It’s Free… Well… Sometimes, the real impetus for getting drunk is convenience. Imagine, for instance, you’re in a wedding and all alcoholic beverages are free. Not wanting to let up a chance of enjoying the most expensive drinks without spending a single dime, you could do yourself some good by having a large share. The opportunity for drunken fun has already presented itself. The fact that the booze is free makes the proposition a lot more appealing than usual, so go ahead and make most of the situation.
Wednesday 14 July 2010
What Mobile Phones Could Look Like In The Future
This is a quick overview of what mobile phones could look like in the future. These are design concepts with background info provided underneath each picture.
The packet phone won first place at Istanbul Design Week 2007. The phone starts out as 5x5cm and unfolds as you need to use certain functions.
This "Window Phone" concept was designed by Seunghan Song. The phone will detect the weather based on current conditions and display on screen. To input text you blow onto the screen to activate hand-writing mode where you use your finger as a stylus.
This phone concept is aimed at being eco-friendly. The phone features a stick pad on the back which enables you to stick the phone to a window to gain charge by light. Designed by Liu Hsiang-Ling
This "Window Phone" concept was designed by Seunghan Song. The phone will detect the weather based on current conditions and display on screen. To input text you blow onto the screen to activate hand-writing mode where you use your finger as a stylus.
Tuesday 13 July 2010
471 Things To Do When You Are Bored
- Wax the ceiling
- Rearrange political campaign signs
- Sharpen your teeth
- Play Houdini with one of your siblings
- Braid your dog’s hair
- Clean and polish your belly button
- Water your dog…see if he grows
- Wash a tree
- Knight yourself
- Name your child Edsel
- Scare Stephen King
- Give your cat a mohawk
- Purr
- Mow your carpet
- Play Pat Boone records backwards
- Vacuum your lawn
- Sleep on a bed of nails
- DON’T toss and turn
- Boil ice cream
- Run around in squares
- Think of quadruple entendres
- Speak in acronyms
- Have your pillow X-rayed
- Drink straight shots…of water
- Calmly have a nervous breakdown
- Give your goldfish a perm
- Fly a brick
- Play tag…on West 35th Street
- Exorcise a ghost
- Exercise a ghost
- Be blue
- Be red
- But don’t be orange
- Plant a shoe
- Sweat
- Give a Rorschach test to your gerbil
- Turn
- Write a letter to Plato
- Mail it
- Take your sofa for a walk
- Start
- Stop
- Dial 911 and breathe heavily
- Go to a funeral…tell jokes
- Play the piano…with mittens on
- Scheme
- Sit
- Stay
- Water your family room
- Cause a power failure
- Roll over
- Play dead
- Find a witch
- Burn her
- Donate your brother’s body to science
- Ask why
- Wriggle
- Regress
- Sleepwalk without sleeping
- Try to join Hell’s Angels by mail
- Wonder
- Be a square root
- Ask stupid questions
- Weld your car doors shut
- Spew
- Vacation at Three-Mile Island
- Surf Ohio
- Teach your pet rock to play dead
- Go bowling for small game
- Be a monk…for a day
- Wear a sweatband to your wedding
- Staple
- Run away
- Intimidate a piece of chalk ( be racist to a piece of chalk)
- Abuse the plumbing
- Bend a florescent light
- Bend a brick
- Annoy total strangers
- Let the best man win
- Believe in Santa Claus
- Throw marshmallows against the wall
- Hold an ice cube as long as possible
- Adopt strange mannerisms
- Blow up a balloon until it pops
- Sing soft and sweet and clear
- Sing loud and sour and gravely
- Open everything
- Balance a pencil on your nose
- Pour milk in your shoes
- Write graffiti under the rug
- Embarrass yourself
- Grind your teeth
- Chew ice
- Count your belly button
- Sit in a row
- Stack crumbs
- Gesture
- Save your toenail clippings
- Make a pass at your blender
- Punt
- Make up words that start with X
- Make oatmeal in the bathtub
- Search for the Lost Chord
- Chew on a sofa cushion
- Sing a duet
- Balance a pillow on your head
- Hold your breath
- Faint
- Stretch
- Flash your mailman
- Teach your TA English
- Learn to speak Farsi
- Swear in Russian
- Use an eraser until it goes away
- Disassemble your car
- Put it together inside out
- Record your walls
- Interview your feet
- Make a list of your favorite fungi
- Sell formaldehyde
- Repeat
- Ad lib
- Fade
- File your teeth – Whine
- Rape your cat
- Re-elect Richard Nixon
- Critique “Three’s Company”
- Listen to a painting
- Play with matches
- Buff your cat
- Race ferrets
- Paint your house…Day-Glow Orange
- Have a formal dinner at White Castle
- Read Homer in the original Greek
- Learn Greek
- Change your mind
- Change it back
- Watch the sun…see if it moves
- Build a pyramid
- Stand on your head
- Stand on someone else’s head
- Spit shine your Nikes
- See how long you can stay awake
- See how long you can sleep
- Paint your teeth
- Wear a salad
- Speak with a forked tongue
- Paint stripes on a lake
- Ski Kansas
- Sleep in freefall
- Kill a Joule
- Test thin ice…with a pogo stick
- Apply for a unicorn hunting license
- Do a good job
- Crawl
- Invite the Mansons over for dinner
- Paint your windows
- Watch a watch until it stops
- Flash your goldfish
- Paint
- Flirt with an evergreen
- Smile
- Rotate your garden…daily
- Paint a smile
- Shoot a fire hydrant
- Apologize to it
- Pretend you’re blind
- Annoy yourself
- Get mad at yourself
- Stop speaking to yourself
- Be a side effect
- Ride a bicycle…up Mt. McKinley
- Duck
- Redecorate…your garage
- Develop a complex
- Join the Army…be someone simple
- Try harder
- Hit the deck
- Put leg-warmers on your furniture
- Cut the deck
- Crumple
- Translate Shakespeare into English
- Skydive to church
- Cheer up a potato
- Do aerobic exercises…in your head
- Play cards with your swimming pool
- Pinstripe your driveway
- Play Kick the Fire Hydrant
- Harness chipmunk power
- Build a house with ice cubes
- Call London for a cab
- Mug a stop sign
- Change your name…daily
- Go for a walk in your attic
- Challenge your neighbor to a duel
- Build a house out of toothpicks
- Howl
- Wear a lampshade on your head
- Memorize the dictionary
- Stomp grapes in the bathtub
- Find a bug and chase it
- Make yourself a pair of wings
- Be immobile
- Dance ’til you drop
- Check under chairs for chewing gum
- Squish a loaf of bread
- Moo
- Bounce a potato
- Outmaneuver your shadow
- Climb the walls
- Appreciate everything
- Challenge yourself to a duel
- Make napalm
- Tattoo your dresser
- Watch a bowling ball
- Buy some diapers
- Eat everything
- Begin
- Pour milk in the sink
- Make cottage cheese
- Tie-dye your sheets
- Carpet your ceiling
- Hold your earlobes
- Fold your earlobes
- Flap
- Squawk
- Read tea leaves
- Analyze the Koran
- Be Buddha
- Award yourself a Nobel Peace Prize
- Plug in the cat
- Turn on everything
- Drop pebbles down the chimney
- Turn off your neighbor
- Kill a plant
- Buy a 1931 Almanac
- Memorize the weather section
- Think lewd thoughts about yourself
- Blow bubbles
- Send chills down your spine
- Peel grapes
- Make paper from the skins
- Bloat
- Catch them with your radiator
- Get run over by a train of thought
- Make up famous sayings
- Bite your pinkie
- Get your dog braces
- Shave a shrub
- Have a proton fight
- Watch a car rust
- Quiver
- Rotate your carpet
- Learn to type…with your toes
- Set up your Christmas tree in April
- Be someone special
- Buy the Brooklyn Bridge
- Mail it to a friend
- Go back to square one
- Factor your social security number
- Take the fifth
- Memorize a series of random numbers
- Read the 1962 Des Moines white pages
- Join the Foreign Legion
- Learn Sanskrit
- Exist…existentially, of course
- Print counterfeit Confederate money
- Kick a cabbage
- Take a picture
- Put it back
- Sandpaper a mushroom
- Play solitaire…for cash
- Abuse your patio furniture
- Run for Pope
- Count to a million…fast
- Make a schematic drawing…of a rock
- Commit seppuku…with a paper knife
- Revert
- Think shallow thoughts
- Starch your shoes
- Polish your Calvin’s
- Contemplate a cockroach
- Get a dog to chase your car
- Let him catch it
- Investigate the Czar
- Form a political party
- Climb a sidewalk
- Have a political party
- Get diagonal…with a good friend
- Ride a loaf of bread
- Sharpen a carrot
- Interrogate a gerbil
- Go bow hunting for Toyotas
- Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids
- Jump back
- Play to lose
- Scalp a street light
- Have your car painted…plaid
- Read a tomato
- Sharpen your sleeping skills
- Watch a game show…take notes
- Put out a fire
- If you can’t find a fire, make one
- Interview a cloud
- Play tiddlywinks…go for blood
- Play basketball…in a minefield
- Don’t talk to things
- Draw Lewis structures on your ceiling
- Have your cat bronzed
- Have your gerbil gilded
- Write books about writing books
- Create random equations
- Mispell words
- Tell your feet a joke
- Throw a tomato into a fan
- Sing the ABC song backwards
- Pretend you’re a dog
- Dial-a-prayer and argue with it
- Grease the doorknobs
- String up a room
- Stack furniture
- Relive fond memories
- Tie your shoelaces together
- Gargle
- Count your teeth with your tongue
- Decay
- Find your half-life
- Design a better toilet seat
- Shred a newspaper
- Have a headache
- Scratch
- Sniff
- Hatch an egg
- Play air guitar
- Act profound
- Spill
- Spell
- Stare
- Truncate
- Slouch
- Develop hearing problems
- Put your feet behind your head
- Tie bows in everything
- Hold your hand
- Watch the minute hand move
- Grow your fingernails
- Pretend you’re a telephone
- Ring
- Radiate
- Skip
- Play hopscotch…with real scotch
- Clock the velocity of your REMs
- Put your shoes on the opposite feet
- Cross your toes
- Roll your tongue
- Crystallize
- Baby oil the floor
- Hide
- Attack innocent bunnies
- Declare war
- Destroy a tree
- Hide the scrabble bag
- Seduce your stick shift
- Wink
- Memorize the periodic table
- Mummify
- Pretend you’re a roadie
- Buy a Ginsu knife
- Collect electrons
- Correct typos that aren’t there
- Polish your neck…use Pledge
- Recopy the Bible substituting your name for God
- Loosen the lug nuts on your dad’s new car
- Drop your cat off the roof to see if it lands on all four feet
- Count the bags under Walter Mondale’s eyes
- Unscrew all the lightbulbs and rearrange the furniture
- Found the Jim Jones School of Bartending
- Listen for non-satanic messages (i.e. “Drink milk”)
- Dress like Motley Crue…surprise your grandmother
- Dial-a-Prayer and tell them they’re wrong
- Go into a bar and ask for a Molotov Cocktail
- Learn everything there is to know about the Holy Roman Empire
- Make a drive-in window at your local bank where there wasn’t one before
- Walk on water…but don’t get caught
- Confess to a crime…that didn’t happen
- Be in the wrong place at the right time
- Plot the overthrow of your local School Board
- Request covert assistance from the CIA
- Discover the source of the Mississippi
- Search for buried treasure…in Nebraska
- Hot wax the bottom of your brother’s dress shoes
- Preach the philosophy of Marx…Groucho, that is
- Drink as much prune juice as you can
- Write a book about your previous life
- Serve ping-pong balls…as hors d’oeuvres
- Jump up and down…on your alarm clock
- Make a quilt out of used cocktail napkins
- Sterilize your stereo…with Jack Daniels
- Carve you and your girlfriend’s initials…in a marshmallow
- Drive the speed limit…in your garage
- Sing the national anthem…during your calculus final
- Wear a three-piece suit…in a sauna
- Pay off the national debt…with a bad check
- Go to a cemetary and verbally abuse dead people
- Give yourself a hernia…for Christmas
- Defend your neighborhood from roving Mongol hordes
- Recite romantic poetry…to your toaster
- See if you really can build a nuclear device in your own basement
- Go to McDonald’s and pretend you can’t speak English
- Write to your congressmen, senators, President, etc. to tell them what a good
- job they’re doing…On April 1st
- Find the heat capacity of your chemistry professor
- Take apart all your major kitchen appliances…mix and match them
- Turn your TV picture tube upside down
- Phone in a death threat on President Kennedy
*- Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets
- Carry a tune…drop it, see if it breaks
- Be planar…but don’t tell your parents
- Play hockey with your little cousin…as the puck
- Make a deal with the devil…but keep your fingers crossed
- Put instant concrete in your big brother’s waterbed
- Give a lecture on the historical significance of cream cheese
- Debate politics with a fern
- See how small you can scrunch your face – Sell firewood door to door…in Atlantis
- Found the TLO (Toledo Liberation Organization)
- Play nuclear chicken with a small third world nation
- Raise professional certified racing turnips
- Give your grandmother a raise and another day of paid vacation
- Lead an aerobics class…for patients of the I.C.U.
- Go to a drive-in movie in a tank
- Go to a non-drive-in movie in a tank and drive in anyway
- Send President Reagan an alarm clock…wind it up first
- Find a cockroach stable and stud ranch
- Send your goldfish to obedience school
- Free the oppressed toasters of America
- Weave a tablecloth out of copper tubing
- Give your cat a suntan…in the microwave
- Park your car…with a friend
- Park your car…with a group of friends
- Frame your first statement of bankruptcy
- Place it on the wall of your office
- Solve the population problem (x^2 + y^2 = population…solve for x)
- Contribute to the population problem
- Wear a T-shirt that says “I’ll walk on you to see The Who” and a peace sign
- Practice the Aztec method of heart removal on your professor
- Find out who made the super glue commercials and give them your Ginsu knife
- Get Ronco and K-tel to merge…they sell the same stuff anyway
- Sneak into a nuclear physics lab and stay the night
- Play with anything that looks interesting
- Drop piston engines on two people and see who squishes first
- See if your goldfish can live in Coors rather than water
- Try to ignite water…the Mississippi might work
- Draw Venn diagrams…screw them up
- State fallacies as fact (like, “peanuts grow on bushes”)
- Visit the Architecture building…loudly criticize its design
- Make a schematic drawing…of a rock
- Wallpaper your laundry room…with pages from books you don’t like
- See if diamonds really do cut glass…on everything in your neighbor’s house
- Tenderize your tongue…chew on it for a while
- See how long you can stare at a fluorescent light…try green
- Bronze your sister’s turtle
- See how long it takes for her to notice
- See what she does when she notices
- Bronze your sister- If you lose, stop watering it and try again.
- Increase your territorial holdings by force
- Find out how many ways there really are to skin a cat
- Boldly go where no man has gone before
- Be a threat to the American way of life
- Do research into the cause of World War III
- Be a threat to the Northwestern Tibetan way of life
- Re-establish the Roman Empire…in Pittsburgh
- Rearrange political campaign signs
- Sharpen your teeth
- Play Houdini with one of your siblings
- Braid your dog’s hair
- Clean and polish your belly button
- Water your dog…see if he grows
- Wash a tree
- Knight yourself
- Name your child Edsel
- Scare Stephen King
- Give your cat a mohawk
- Purr
- Mow your carpet
- Play Pat Boone records backwards
- Vacuum your lawn
- Sleep on a bed of nails
- DON’T toss and turn
- Boil ice cream
- Run around in squares
- Think of quadruple entendres
- Speak in acronyms
- Have your pillow X-rayed
- Drink straight shots…of water
- Calmly have a nervous breakdown
- Give your goldfish a perm
- Fly a brick
- Play tag…on West 35th Street
- Exorcise a ghost
- Exercise a ghost
- Be blue
- Be red
- But don’t be orange
- Plant a shoe
- Sweat
- Give a Rorschach test to your gerbil
- Turn
- Write a letter to Plato
- Mail it
- Take your sofa for a walk
- Start
- Stop
- Dial 911 and breathe heavily
- Go to a funeral…tell jokes
- Play the piano…with mittens on
- Scheme
- Sit
- Stay
- Water your family room
- Cause a power failure
- Roll over
- Play dead
- Find a witch
- Burn her
- Donate your brother’s body to science
- Ask why
- Wriggle
- Regress
- Sleepwalk without sleeping
- Try to join Hell’s Angels by mail
- Wonder
- Be a square root
- Ask stupid questions
- Weld your car doors shut
- Spew
- Vacation at Three-Mile Island
- Surf Ohio
- Teach your pet rock to play dead
- Go bowling for small game
- Be a monk…for a day
- Wear a sweatband to your wedding
- Staple
- Run away
- Intimidate a piece of chalk ( be racist to a piece of chalk)
- Abuse the plumbing
- Bend a florescent light
- Bend a brick
- Annoy total strangers
- Let the best man win
- Believe in Santa Claus
- Throw marshmallows against the wall
- Hold an ice cube as long as possible
- Adopt strange mannerisms
- Blow up a balloon until it pops
- Sing soft and sweet and clear
- Sing loud and sour and gravely
- Open everything
- Balance a pencil on your nose
- Pour milk in your shoes
- Write graffiti under the rug
- Embarrass yourself
- Grind your teeth
- Chew ice
- Count your belly button
- Sit in a row
- Stack crumbs
- Gesture
- Save your toenail clippings
- Make a pass at your blender
- Punt
- Make up words that start with X
- Make oatmeal in the bathtub
- Search for the Lost Chord
- Chew on a sofa cushion
- Sing a duet
- Balance a pillow on your head
- Hold your breath
- Faint
- Stretch
- Flash your mailman
- Teach your TA English
- Learn to speak Farsi
- Swear in Russian
- Use an eraser until it goes away
- Disassemble your car
- Put it together inside out
- Record your walls
- Interview your feet
- Make a list of your favorite fungi
- Sell formaldehyde
- Repeat
- Ad lib
- Fade
- File your teeth – Whine
- Rape your cat
- Re-elect Richard Nixon
- Critique “Three’s Company”
- Listen to a painting
- Play with matches
- Buff your cat
- Race ferrets
- Paint your house…Day-Glow Orange
- Have a formal dinner at White Castle
- Read Homer in the original Greek
- Learn Greek
- Change your mind
- Change it back
- Watch the sun…see if it moves
- Build a pyramid
- Stand on your head
- Stand on someone else’s head
- Spit shine your Nikes
- See how long you can stay awake
- See how long you can sleep
- Paint your teeth
- Wear a salad
- Speak with a forked tongue
- Paint stripes on a lake
- Ski Kansas
- Sleep in freefall
- Kill a Joule
- Test thin ice…with a pogo stick
- Apply for a unicorn hunting license
- Do a good job
- Crawl
- Invite the Mansons over for dinner
- Paint your windows
- Watch a watch until it stops
- Flash your goldfish
- Paint
- Flirt with an evergreen
- Smile
- Rotate your garden…daily
- Paint a smile
- Shoot a fire hydrant
- Apologize to it
- Pretend you’re blind
- Annoy yourself
- Get mad at yourself
- Stop speaking to yourself
- Be a side effect
- Ride a bicycle…up Mt. McKinley
- Duck
- Redecorate…your garage
- Develop a complex
- Join the Army…be someone simple
- Try harder
- Hit the deck
- Put leg-warmers on your furniture
- Cut the deck
- Crumple
- Translate Shakespeare into English
- Skydive to church
- Cheer up a potato
- Do aerobic exercises…in your head
- Play cards with your swimming pool
- Pinstripe your driveway
- Play Kick the Fire Hydrant
- Harness chipmunk power
- Build a house with ice cubes
- Call London for a cab
- Mug a stop sign
- Change your name…daily
- Go for a walk in your attic
- Challenge your neighbor to a duel
- Build a house out of toothpicks
- Howl
- Wear a lampshade on your head
- Memorize the dictionary
- Stomp grapes in the bathtub
- Find a bug and chase it
- Make yourself a pair of wings
- Be immobile
- Dance ’til you drop
- Check under chairs for chewing gum
- Squish a loaf of bread
- Moo
- Bounce a potato
- Outmaneuver your shadow
- Climb the walls
- Appreciate everything
- Challenge yourself to a duel
- Make napalm
- Tattoo your dresser
- Watch a bowling ball
- Buy some diapers
- Eat everything
- Begin
- Pour milk in the sink
- Make cottage cheese
- Tie-dye your sheets
- Carpet your ceiling
- Hold your earlobes
- Fold your earlobes
- Flap
- Squawk
- Read tea leaves
- Analyze the Koran
- Be Buddha
- Award yourself a Nobel Peace Prize
- Plug in the cat
- Turn on everything
- Drop pebbles down the chimney
- Turn off your neighbor
- Kill a plant
- Buy a 1931 Almanac
- Memorize the weather section
- Think lewd thoughts about yourself
- Blow bubbles
- Send chills down your spine
- Peel grapes
- Make paper from the skins
- Bloat
- Catch them with your radiator
- Get run over by a train of thought
- Make up famous sayings
- Bite your pinkie
- Get your dog braces
- Shave a shrub
- Have a proton fight
- Watch a car rust
- Quiver
- Rotate your carpet
- Learn to type…with your toes
- Set up your Christmas tree in April
- Be someone special
- Buy the Brooklyn Bridge
- Mail it to a friend
- Go back to square one
- Factor your social security number
- Take the fifth
- Memorize a series of random numbers
- Read the 1962 Des Moines white pages
- Join the Foreign Legion
- Learn Sanskrit
- Exist…existentially, of course
- Print counterfeit Confederate money
- Kick a cabbage
- Take a picture
- Put it back
- Sandpaper a mushroom
- Play solitaire…for cash
- Abuse your patio furniture
- Run for Pope
- Count to a million…fast
- Make a schematic drawing…of a rock
- Commit seppuku…with a paper knife
- Revert
- Think shallow thoughts
- Starch your shoes
- Polish your Calvin’s
- Contemplate a cockroach
- Get a dog to chase your car
- Let him catch it
- Investigate the Czar
- Form a political party
- Climb a sidewalk
- Have a political party
- Get diagonal…with a good friend
- Ride a loaf of bread
- Sharpen a carrot
- Interrogate a gerbil
- Go bow hunting for Toyotas
- Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids
- Jump back
- Play to lose
- Scalp a street light
- Have your car painted…plaid
- Read a tomato
- Sharpen your sleeping skills
- Watch a game show…take notes
- Put out a fire
- If you can’t find a fire, make one
- Interview a cloud
- Play tiddlywinks…go for blood
- Play basketball…in a minefield
- Don’t talk to things
- Draw Lewis structures on your ceiling
- Have your cat bronzed
- Have your gerbil gilded
- Write books about writing books
- Create random equations
- Mispell words
- Tell your feet a joke
- Throw a tomato into a fan
- Sing the ABC song backwards
- Pretend you’re a dog
- Dial-a-prayer and argue with it
- Grease the doorknobs
- String up a room
- Stack furniture
- Relive fond memories
- Tie your shoelaces together
- Gargle
- Count your teeth with your tongue
- Decay
- Find your half-life
- Design a better toilet seat
- Shred a newspaper
- Have a headache
- Scratch
- Sniff
- Hatch an egg
- Play air guitar
- Act profound
- Spill
- Spell
- Stare
- Truncate
- Slouch
- Develop hearing problems
- Put your feet behind your head
- Tie bows in everything
- Hold your hand
- Watch the minute hand move
- Grow your fingernails
- Pretend you’re a telephone
- Ring
- Radiate
- Skip
- Play hopscotch…with real scotch
- Clock the velocity of your REMs
- Put your shoes on the opposite feet
- Cross your toes
- Roll your tongue
- Crystallize
- Baby oil the floor
- Hide
- Attack innocent bunnies
- Declare war
- Destroy a tree
- Hide the scrabble bag
- Seduce your stick shift
- Wink
- Memorize the periodic table
- Mummify
- Pretend you’re a roadie
- Buy a Ginsu knife
- Collect electrons
- Correct typos that aren’t there
- Polish your neck…use Pledge
- Recopy the Bible substituting your name for God
- Loosen the lug nuts on your dad’s new car
- Drop your cat off the roof to see if it lands on all four feet
- Count the bags under Walter Mondale’s eyes
- Unscrew all the lightbulbs and rearrange the furniture
- Found the Jim Jones School of Bartending
- Listen for non-satanic messages (i.e. “Drink milk”)
- Dress like Motley Crue…surprise your grandmother
- Dial-a-Prayer and tell them they’re wrong
- Go into a bar and ask for a Molotov Cocktail
- Learn everything there is to know about the Holy Roman Empire
- Make a drive-in window at your local bank where there wasn’t one before
- Walk on water…but don’t get caught
- Confess to a crime…that didn’t happen
- Be in the wrong place at the right time
- Plot the overthrow of your local School Board
- Request covert assistance from the CIA
- Discover the source of the Mississippi
- Search for buried treasure…in Nebraska
- Hot wax the bottom of your brother’s dress shoes
- Preach the philosophy of Marx…Groucho, that is
- Drink as much prune juice as you can
- Write a book about your previous life
- Serve ping-pong balls…as hors d’oeuvres
- Jump up and down…on your alarm clock
- Make a quilt out of used cocktail napkins
- Sterilize your stereo…with Jack Daniels
- Carve you and your girlfriend’s initials…in a marshmallow
- Drive the speed limit…in your garage
- Sing the national anthem…during your calculus final
- Wear a three-piece suit…in a sauna
- Pay off the national debt…with a bad check
- Go to a cemetary and verbally abuse dead people
- Give yourself a hernia…for Christmas
- Defend your neighborhood from roving Mongol hordes
- Recite romantic poetry…to your toaster
- See if you really can build a nuclear device in your own basement
- Go to McDonald’s and pretend you can’t speak English
- Write to your congressmen, senators, President, etc. to tell them what a good
- job they’re doing…On April 1st
- Find the heat capacity of your chemistry professor
- Take apart all your major kitchen appliances…mix and match them
- Turn your TV picture tube upside down
- Phone in a death threat on President Kennedy
*- Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets
- Carry a tune…drop it, see if it breaks
- Be planar…but don’t tell your parents
- Play hockey with your little cousin…as the puck
- Make a deal with the devil…but keep your fingers crossed
- Put instant concrete in your big brother’s waterbed
- Give a lecture on the historical significance of cream cheese
- Debate politics with a fern
- See how small you can scrunch your face – Sell firewood door to door…in Atlantis
- Found the TLO (Toledo Liberation Organization)
- Play nuclear chicken with a small third world nation
- Raise professional certified racing turnips
- Give your grandmother a raise and another day of paid vacation
- Lead an aerobics class…for patients of the I.C.U.
- Go to a drive-in movie in a tank
- Go to a non-drive-in movie in a tank and drive in anyway
- Send President Reagan an alarm clock…wind it up first
- Find a cockroach stable and stud ranch
- Send your goldfish to obedience school
- Free the oppressed toasters of America
- Weave a tablecloth out of copper tubing
- Give your cat a suntan…in the microwave
- Park your car…with a friend
- Park your car…with a group of friends
- Frame your first statement of bankruptcy
- Place it on the wall of your office
- Solve the population problem (x^2 + y^2 = population…solve for x)
- Contribute to the population problem
- Wear a T-shirt that says “I’ll walk on you to see The Who” and a peace sign
- Practice the Aztec method of heart removal on your professor
- Find out who made the super glue commercials and give them your Ginsu knife
- Get Ronco and K-tel to merge…they sell the same stuff anyway
- Sneak into a nuclear physics lab and stay the night
- Play with anything that looks interesting
- Drop piston engines on two people and see who squishes first
- See if your goldfish can live in Coors rather than water
- Try to ignite water…the Mississippi might work
- Draw Venn diagrams…screw them up
- State fallacies as fact (like, “peanuts grow on bushes”)
- Visit the Architecture building…loudly criticize its design
- Make a schematic drawing…of a rock
- Wallpaper your laundry room…with pages from books you don’t like
- See if diamonds really do cut glass…on everything in your neighbor’s house
- Tenderize your tongue…chew on it for a while
- See how long you can stare at a fluorescent light…try green
- Bronze your sister’s turtle
- See how long it takes for her to notice
- See what she does when she notices
- Bronze your sister- If you lose, stop watering it and try again.
- Increase your territorial holdings by force
- Find out how many ways there really are to skin a cat
- Boldly go where no man has gone before
- Be a threat to the American way of life
- Do research into the cause of World War III
- Be a threat to the Northwestern Tibetan way of life
- Re-establish the Roman Empire…in Pittsburgh
Things Guys Should Know About Girls
1. Don't ever lie to us; we always find out. (CARDINAL RULE)
2. Don't say you understand when you don't.
3. Girls are petty; get over it. We like to start fights.
4. You don't have PMS, so don't act like you know what it's like. Don't try to understand...believe me you never will.
5. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
6. We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big.
7. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys.
8. It's good to be sensitive sometimes.
9. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.
10. Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie won't always cut it, but it is extremely sweet.
11. We are self-conscious by nature; we can't help it.
12. We are Drama queens; never forget that.
13. Fashion police do exist.
14. We absolutely DO NOT care about monster trucks, car systems, paintball, or anything else you and your friends talk about.
15. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.
16. We don't shave our legs everyday: get over it.
17. Don't make bets about us; we always find out; you may think we don't know, but WE DO!
18. Shave! No matter how cool you think your goatee or beard or mustache looks, we hate it. We like clean-cut men.
19. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emit other strange gases from your body, it is not.
20. Don't compare us to Pamela Anderson; parts of her are fake, just remember that. (Remember: you have a better shot at us than you ever will have with her.)
21. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.
22. We are beautiful at all times.
23. We will always think we are fat, so humor us and tell us we aren't.
24. You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys, and hit a little baseball with a stick, so why can't you aim in the toilet and not on it.
25. Most importantly: we are always right in one way or another so don't forget that!
26. Understand how to keep women happy with you...
2. Don't say you understand when you don't.
3. Girls are petty; get over it. We like to start fights.
4. You don't have PMS, so don't act like you know what it's like. Don't try to understand...believe me you never will.
5. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
6. We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big.
7. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys.
8. It's good to be sensitive sometimes.
9. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.
10. Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie won't always cut it, but it is extremely sweet.
11. We are self-conscious by nature; we can't help it.
12. We are Drama queens; never forget that.
13. Fashion police do exist.
14. We absolutely DO NOT care about monster trucks, car systems, paintball, or anything else you and your friends talk about.
15. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.
16. We don't shave our legs everyday: get over it.
17. Don't make bets about us; we always find out; you may think we don't know, but WE DO!
18. Shave! No matter how cool you think your goatee or beard or mustache looks, we hate it. We like clean-cut men.
19. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emit other strange gases from your body, it is not.
20. Don't compare us to Pamela Anderson; parts of her are fake, just remember that. (Remember: you have a better shot at us than you ever will have with her.)
21. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.
22. We are beautiful at all times.
23. We will always think we are fat, so humor us and tell us we aren't.
24. You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys, and hit a little baseball with a stick, so why can't you aim in the toilet and not on it.
25. Most importantly: we are always right in one way or another so don't forget that!
26. Understand how to keep women happy with you...
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